The other day I had a conversation with a friend where they asked a question which got me thinking. “How do you choose who you surround yourself with?”

Innocent as it may be, it’s also quite a coy way to ask someone to be vulnerable to reveal what kind of person they are. I’m not positing this idea to be revolutionary nor to stir some deep thinking, because it’s not a new idea, after all.

Remember that phrase, “tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are”? In many ways, there is truth to it. We tend to like the same things our friends do—go to the same places, have similar opinions on things, have similar food preferences, and so on. And there’s nothing wrong with that, unless it grows into a sort of cult, or hive mind. But, I digress.

Continue reading “We are not even halfway through the first month of 2024.” →

Undeniably, the meaning of “home” has transcended beyond a physical space we occupy. In the recent decades, “home” has become a feeling we associate with people, with community. It’s belonging. It’s a safe space. It’s familiar. It’s warm. It’s being able to be fearlessly, authentically you.

While this process of finding a home has become arguably easy with people being more deliberate in expanding their own communities, I’ve still been curious about the idea of finding a home.

Perhaps this fascination started when I moved to Vietnam in 2022 to pursue certain career aspirations. Moving to a country I have never been to, and one where I didn’t know anyone personally (apart from someone whom I was apparently friends with on Facebook), there was that desire to find that which could make me feel that the country is home.

This year, I have become more deliberate in making my living space truly a nest I could retreat to. Unlike my previous apartment, I was more intentional in ensuring that the house is a home.

In almost the same breath, I’ve been fortunate to have been surrounded by people who have just felt like home. Whether the friends who’ve been there in the ups and downs, or the nice neighbors I’ve had, or the friends I have made from spinning classes to the coffee shop and restaurant folks who have become familiar…the list goes on. I’m happy that this year, particularly, I’d say I have been able to forge authentic bonds with people.

Beyond spaces and people, I’ve had clearer routines, and I’ve been more deliberate in discovering things that inspire me. Some of these things have allowed me to make more productive use of free time than before.

While it may seem that 2023 marked great progress towards creating a home while in a foreign country, it’s a year that has also stumped me with an interesting problem: If everything around me has been and feels like home, then why don’t I feel at home within myself?

It’s not a question if I made significant compromises the past year in the process of finding and creating a home, as I have actually been more intentional this year, more or less. It’s a question, perhaps, of what has been lost among the intrinsic things that have molded me to be who I am—or was.

The past few weeks have been introspective, particularly towards the end of 2023 when I went home for the holidays. In conversations, in looking at things in the house, in the silent moments of reflection, I have come to realize that there have been quite a number of things lost—or, at least, in suspension—which contributed to this feeling I have.

One of the more obvious ones is being unable to teach due to the shift of the University to go fully face-to-face. Educating has been a passion of mine since I started in 2017. Being unable to conduct even one class this year has demanded great adjustment from me. While it has freed up a lot of time, amid a lot of things I’ve tried to do this year, nothing has been able to fill that void.

Another is to be surrounded by friends who have known me for a long time. When the phrase “no new friends” came about before, I never understood it until I realized earlier this year that nothing can beat ties from people who have seen you truly through your ups and downs. Extremely grateful I decided to fly to Manila to spend the last week of 2023. Having spent time with loved ones (from family, friends, former colleagues, etc.) reminded me that nothing can truly replace being surrounded by people who know you, appreciate you, and most of all, love you. It’s truly great to feel the warmth of home.

These are just two examples from a long list of things. While I believe in constantly growing, and evolving to further who we are, and who we are meant to be, and while I acknowledge the occasional uneasy moments in such journey, I stand firm in my belief that there are things we absolutely should not compromise. And if there are instances that circumstances challenge you on these things, then perhaps it is a moment to ponder if fully letting go of such will be all worth it.

I enter 2024 not with answers, nor a clear path of what to do. If you know me, I always welcome a new year with a mantra and a clear direction to take where to steer my life. In lieu of such, I instead step into the new year, with a clear goal and a clear conviction: to rediscover how to be at home within myself. Attached to that are several questions and curiosities, certain difficult questions and potentially life-steering decisions to be made.

And, as we know life, things will not be easy. There will always be curveballs on top of the expected challenges we will encounter. But I cling on to my earlier wisdom to be steadfast in this endeavor, and I cling on faith and hope that the Universe will be on my side.

I trust that sooner, rather than later, I can say as I reflect on things, that I found my way home.

Happy New Year, and I hope that 2024 will be a year you’ll slay again.

The past few days have been interesting for me. It’s the last long weekend we’ll get here in Vietnam until Tết, which is not until February. Side note: I think I need to do a life-update in this site since it has been a while. A lot has happened. Notably, I’m now based in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.

Over this National Day weekend of Vietnam, I have taken the time to do quite a rather deep introspection. This year, 2023, marks the 10th year mark of the roadmap I outlined for myself back in 2012. Some time around the semestral break of my Senior year in undergrad, I have plotted milestones of what I would have wanted to achieve from 2013 to 2023. Every year, I tracked my progress. Every milestone, I found a way to celebrate. Every step I have taken contributed to my goals. There were missteps along the way, but I found a way to pivot and thrive everytime.

Continue reading “Me & 2033.” →

A few weeks back I had the opportunity to catch up with a friend. We touched on the idea of going on a social media detox. Honestly, that’s one of the triggers of us being able to reconnect. He posted an Instagram story of just taking time off social media and if ever anyone wanted to just keep in touch, people could reach him through his number. And, so I did.

That conversation led me to finally have the willpower to deactivate my Instagram account, and at the same time remove the Twitter and Facebook applications on my phone—I would have deactivated both as well, but in my line of work, I have to know generally what’s happening in the country and in the world.

Continue reading “Solitude and Silence.” →

I have never appreciated the act of breathing until I started getting myself into a ton of things since the start of the year. You might be thinking, “what are you saying? Breathing is essential!”; I wouldn’t argue with you on that. However, if you reflect on it, we recognize how important it is to keep us alive, but we often miss how powerful it could be to keep us alive.

As we go along our days, we dedicate so much of ourselves as we accomplish tasks no matter the difficulty. When you brew your coffee at home, you spend time measuring and grinding your beans; you keep an eye out as you pour your water onto your brewing device of choice keeping in mind the time, the measurement, if channeling is happening, etc. When you go about you work, you keep in mind so many things from thinking of your to-do’s, to strategizing how to accomplish them efficiently, and the actual work. And I could go on about this.

Continue reading “in every breath.” →