Entering the year, I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the adage that “no one owes you anything”. Perhaps, if you asked me what I felt about it a few months back, I would agree wholeheartedly. No exceptions to the rule. Thinking otherwise makes you selfish. A self-centered, spoiled brat. But, the past few months I’ve been thinking about it, and trying to wrap my head around it, and trying to accept it again.
Because how do you make sense out of the best and nicest people you know experience really difficult, out-of-nowhere things?
Because how do you make sense out of a company not wanting to pursue your application despite being able to go over ticking their requirements, and having your profile match their “ideal candidate” and more?
Because how do you make sense out of a guy you met with the intent to date, and you get along pretty well, and he tells you he’s not open to dating (apparently), yet always tells you stories of guys he meets up in between conversations and hangs?
Because how do you make sense out of never being somebody’s person (Yes, Grey’s Anatomy reference)?
And it might be selfish to demand to know. It might be too much to ask from people and the world to better understand why such things happen. But, sometimes, it helps to know. It’s something that would be greatly appreciated, in fact. It’s crippling not to know things which others could easily articulate, but decide to just not say, because they don’t owe you anything. It could get frustrating never knowing just because the default is it’s up to all of us to just figure things out, and just shake it out—even if others can actually do something. But, they don’t owe use anything, so they’re not expected to do so.
It’s so hard to make sense of things, sometimes. It’s exhausting to have sleepless nights, and I have my limits. I grow weary thinking of a hundred reasons why, and possibly not one of them is the right answer. It’s taxing for me to think of strategies on how to approach different situations, only for me to be too conscious and end up not doing anything.
And perhaps, that is the best approach, most of the time. Not do anything. Just let it be. Just let it go. Life is too short, I guess, to be hindered by people and situations we will never have control over. Life is too short to keep people who will never reciprocate the same time and effort you give. Life is too short to wonder things which are out of your control. It’s disservice to yourself to think that anybody owes you something, and be caught up by it, and in the process you prevent yourself from becoming the best version of yourself.
In the tug-of-war of everyday, in the illusion that some things and some people are worth waiting and fighting for, it’s so important to just remind yourself to not lose sight of where you want to be at the end of it all.