It has definitely been a while since the last time I woke up early on a Sunday morning, get a bowl, fill it with cereals and milk, and just enjoy the peace of the a new day. In fact, I think last time I did was back in Italy during the best year of my life (as of today).
While I was enjoying my bowl of cereals I couldn’t help but take the time to do some morning reflection. When I used to play the violin, I remember stage fright getting the best of me during recitals. Sadly, it always showed when I made mistakes in front of the nuns, guests, parents and my peers in St. Paul. There were times when I had to design for projects, papers or presentations in college, I encounter creative blocks which really frustrated me.
I am not sure why these instances happen. All I know is that, they did.
To be honest, I feel like I am in a state of being lost. I do not really know a term similar to “stage fright” or “creative block”. It’s like I’m in a floating state. I guess ever since I “went down from the hill’, the real world has been slapping me with harsh realities. I realized my stay in Ateneo was too perfect. I now understand when people say that Ateneans got it easy. It is quite frustrating that I have I’m affixed to thinking that everything should be according to this and that order, that everything can go according to my plan if I take charge…the truth is, life after the Stepford school is not as simple as that.
Will it stop me from making sure my dreams come true? Of course not. While I am evaluating what are the things I want to accomplish, what the milestones are, I will just carry on and take on all challenges that will be thrown at me. I am still sure that I want to start teaching in Ateneo in the next 2 years, I am still sure I want to be fluent in French by 2015 (I need to start taking lessons) and I am still sure I want to have my own domain by the end of the year. Dream big, right?
I am not so sure why I am experiencing a quarter-life crisis of sorts. I’m only 22, fresh from university, got a full life ahead of me. Problems will always be around, doubts will always be there, demons will always be out to bring me down. But hey, I’m a fighter, right? I will definitely put up a fight before I just simply let go of all my dreams. And these trials–these mountains? Well, I just have to play that Carrie Underwood song in my head from time to time.
Sometimes that mountain you’ve been climbing is just a grain of sand.