just one bottle

Tonight. Just one bottle. 

Because, yes, you’re coughing, and you have a headache. And sleeping it off is too sloth-like. Because staying in for someone not so well is too mainstream. Because you need one. Just one. For sanity.

My thumbs are jumping on the screen of my phone, yes, still with the cracks on the upper-right area while I am surrounded by people chatting. Dancing. Singing. I’m in some corner. Silently making sense of everything. Everything happening in life. Right now. With a bottle just a few centimeters away from me. Sigh. It doesn’t make sense.

I ask myself how I found myself in this same position. The same predicament. The same agony. The same place. After walking away. Who knows, really. Probably the Big Guy. Probably. But, I don’t know. It’s as if the Universe is mocking me somehow. Or not. Maybe, karma. And for the lack of anyone or anything to blame, I put the burden on karma. 

Dare I find some resolution… but, I doubt it. I doubt I will find it anytime soon. I doubt I will find it here. Worst, I fear I might not find it. But, the show must go on. Life has to go on. And so should I. So should I.

Halfway through this bottle. I see them looking at me. Their smirks. Their smiles. Their stares. My all black outfit. 

Where we are headed, I don’t know. Different directions, obviously. Some are staying still. A few, rather. A few. Not even a handful. Just a few. The most upsetting thing? We are all lost. Someway, somehow. Lost. Lost kids, we are.

And I hate being lost. I hate it. That’s why I’ll move. Where? Somewhere. Somewhere unfamiliar yet somewhere known. Comfortable but beyond the edges. 

I am ready. Again.

just one bottle

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