My Personal Retreat

April 6, 2013April 8, 2013 mackyinstax, journal, Moleskine, polaroid, prayer, Spiritual ExercisesLeave a comment

I remember my friends urging me to go to the Silent Retreat arranged by the Campus Ministry Office. Whether it be a 3-day, 5-day or even the 8-day retreat, my friends were trying their best to convince me because it would really help me clear my mind. Sad to say, I didn’t go for it…but there are no regrets.

Honestly, there are times when I feel that I feel God more when I least expect Him to be around. Just the other day I went to Starbucks and stayed there for around 5 hours drinking an iced asian dolce latte and I was writing on my journal as well. For some reason, I felt God there. I felt like He was just by my side and he was helping me clear my mind. Perhaps, there would be more drama if I went up a hill or went to a retreat, but my personal everyday retreats help a lot. Sometimes I feel like I have already perfected finding peace amidst all the craziness of the life in the city. I always devote time to pray before I sleep and also when I wake up in the morning. It’s my way of beginning and ending my day thanking God and to just listen to Him and feel Him. This might sound weird for some of my friends who normally see me as someone loud and just crazy. But yes, I cherish my alone moments and the moments when I pray.

When I was in High School I was able to get two books which I use from time to time to help me pray. I received a copy of The Spiritual Exercises from a Student Council Silent Retreat in 2008 and the Wood for the Fire was a book given to me by my former Student Council moderator as a graduation gift. The white parts of the cover of the Spiritual Exercises book is actually now quite yellow. Not really sure how to best maintain it considering it’s just neatly placed along with other books.

To this day, I really hold dear these two books. I get to pray and I get to do my own “personal retreat”. I honestly and firmly believe that prayer is something that should be done on a regular basis and not just once a week, or if there’s only a special occasion. Always take time to thank Him for all the blessings.

I have also been able to keep track of my life on a daily basis through my journal which I have been faithfully writing on ever since I started. For now, I don’t want to share what I have written but don’t worry, not bad stuff written there; just my raw thoughts.

As you can see, there are some stuff written on the back of this page. Hopefully none of you will be able to decipher what I have written….hopefully. Haha!

I can say that having a journal I get to write on everyday helps me see what has been happening in my life for the past days. It allows me to be thankful for the blessings I have received and at the same time, it has been helping me analyze where I am at this point in my life and how I want to move towards my dreams and goals. In a way I guess I get to write my own examen and keep track of it.

By the way, I have used my instax already! As some of you might remember, I recently bought a polaroid, you can check the entry here!

The print is small and it’s quite cute! It’s almost the same size as that of a graduation picture!

DSC_0040 copy

I can’t wait to bring Athena on Monday for the ASLA dinner!

Meet Athena

April 1, 2013 mackycamera, fujifilm, instax, polaroid, shutterbug1 Comment

Last week I told my mother my intention of using bit of the money I received from graduation and what I have saved, to buy a camera. At that point I wasn’t sure whether I was to go for a Diana F+ or a FujiFilm Instax Mini 7S because I’ve always wanted to have both (well not necessarily the Instax, but a polaroid). Weighing pros and cons, I decided to go for the Instax (for now). Maintaining a lomo is quite expensive and I can’t just wait for the film to be all used up and all the expenses buying film and getting developed. Quite tedious! It was an epiphany during the Holy Thursday Mass to go for the polaroid.

I went to Lazada.com.ph to purchase one + the film. It was cheaper than buying from Digital Walker in Rockwell. Add to that, the convenience of ordering online and just wait than having to go all the way to Rockwell just to buy (well probably I could’ve met up with friends). MOVING ON. So I placed my order after the Mass and when I checked the status of my order yesterday, it said that it’s already been shipped! Imagine how excited I was! The site says to expect the order within 5 days but it was Holy Week last week and I know that they were to resume all of their services by today. This morning, my mom woke me up early telling me to wait for the arrival of the package. True enough, it arrived around 11AM. I was the happiest guy alive at that time—because by 1PM, there were other happier people who passed the Ateneo Law School exam.

So, I present to you the “unboxing” of my newest friend!

Inside the big, bulky plastic bag: The instax mini 7s and film! They were placed inside a cute bubble wrap which I will be popping tonight!

Inside the bigger box! The camera itself, 4 Double A batteries, a strap, and a bunch of manuals and other stuff which I don’t really read. Haha!

Inside the other box and the box itself! Two film cartridges!

And I present to you, my newest friend, Athena!Why Athena? Well first let me explain that I name all of my gadgets and other stuff. Like the name of my laptop is Save The Queen (when in Windows 8 mode it’s Save The King), the name of my dSLR is Aki, the name of the long lens is Godiva, the name of the prime lens is Merlie, the name of my planner now is Le Prince, and the name of my journal is Agatha. I don’t know but I feel like when I name something I own, I am able to claim ownership to it. Or maybe I’m just weird. Haha. Athena because it’s my graduation gift to myself (and yes I owe all of you a graduation blog post which I’ll make tomorrow!). So I graduated from Ateneo and the name is derived from “Atheneum” and that was derived from a Greek temple dedicated to Athena.

And yes, the blue and white colors of the instax was taken into consideration when naming it.

PS. Yes, that’s the shot glass we got from Blue Roast and I placed the graduation medallion there.

Sixteen Years Ago.

March 28, 2013March 22, 2015 macky2 Comments

Throwback Thursday Post!

June 02, 1997, Monday. My first day as an Atenean. I have vague memories of that day but I certainly remember my dad and my mom excitedly brought me to my classroom, and I’m guessing my brothers were excited for me too. Prep Maginoo.

I was in the classroom and when my family left me in the room, I was just alone and scared…and I felt like a loser not knowing anyone (because some of my classmates knew each other). When my parents were about to leave, my dad or I think my mom called me, waving, smiling and my dad took a picture of me. Obviously I wasn’t really THAT excited. I was scared. I was awkward…and I bet I still am. I was very much uncertain what would life be for the next years…and in that moment, I swear we were infinite. loljk. I started my life in Ateneo pretty much a loner. People refuse to believe that at one point in my life I didn’t like talking to people, I would eat recess alone, no one wanted to play games with me, teachers would tell me to speak louder because I was afraid to make mistakes, I was afraid to be a someone, an anyone that people would notice. Those were the days when I convinced myself that I’ll never have good friends, that the number of my friends would be less than the number of fingers I have. Sixteen years ago, I honestly quite didn’t expect to enjoy talking to people, I didn’t expect to know a lot of people, to have such good friends, to not be afraid to speak up and sometimes defend myself to people of authority (hehe sorry for crossing the line at times), I never expected that people would ask me to join them eat lunch or hang anywhere! I was just contemplating the other day that maybe Ateneo didn’t break me, maybe I’m a failure of some sort… I may not be as broken as my batchmates who are set to change the country, but for what’s it worth, Ateneo brought down the walls which once forbid me from going out of my comfort zone, from setting out to go on adventures, from challenging conventions. And I guess in the process, Ateneo did break me. I don’t know if my small ways have affected others, from making them laugh, to just listening to them, to the amounts of hugs I have given, to the moments shared…but hey, I gave it a try. And perhaps, for now, that’s the only thing that matters. From that scared little kid who was confused in life, to a bigger man not scared anymore, ready to take on what life has in store for him. World, here I come!

Life of A (F)unemployed Person

March 27, 2013March 27, 2013 mackyMoleskine, MUJI7 Comments

While people have been saying that after college, a new chapter begins or a new chapter unfolds, I honestly believe that it’s not just a new chapter. I really think that it’s a new book altogether, although part of the same series. I think that life after college is a huge leap. There would be less breaks, us graduates will be more independent, at least, that’s what I think. It’s the time that we show what we have learned from the past 16 or so years we’ve had. It’s not just the application of what we have learned in our courses be it Finance or Computer Science. No. I think it’s more than that. What we do after college is perhaps—ideally—the sum of everything we have learned from our teachers, our interactions with different people, exposure to different realities around us. I think what I just said is a bit flawed but it makes sense most of the time. The decisions have made and the decisions some of us are yet to make, ultimately are rooted in our formation from school…and the compromise we make with our parents.

Anyway, two days ago I decided to buy a Moleskine plain notebook that would act as my journal post-college. I plan to chronicle everyday of my life as much as I can. I have so much time in my hands right now as I am currently (f)unemployed—my way of being in denial that I am unemployed. I have already done one entry, and it feels good to be back writing. For some reason, it feels better to write what I think and what I feel more than typing it. I guess it’s more raw that way? Take for example the fact that it takes me much time to make an entry because I would review the whole entry and move some parts up or delete parts. When I write, it is what it is. The way that pen glides through the pages also feels so nice. It’s like I’m back in the Grade School days. Haha.

As much as I would want to blog everyday, I don’t think my life is blog-worthy, on a daily basis that is. I really feel though that everyday, every feeling, every thought is worth journaling; everything is worth cherishing. Maybe I’ll be done writing on this journal by the end of the year and I’ll look back and see how amazing the year has been after graduation—with the assumption I’d be able to start working this year. Exciting times. Much as I was scared of life after college, I’m actually excited…I’m ready to take on a new set of challenges. I’m ready to meet new people and make new friends. I’m ready to learn, grow, and be a better person. I’m ready to change the world in my own way. And I’m pretty much thrilled to fill up these blank pages in the new book of my life.

Maybe Awkward. Maybe Perfect.

March 21, 2013March 22, 2015 mackyAteneo, blue roast, blue roseLeave a comment

March 20, 2013. Blue Roast.
I remember when we were in Freshman Year, some of my friends and I would talk about Blue Roast and how exciting it would be to drink alcohol in campus, since it is one of the very few events where drinking alcohol is allowed. But more than the alcohol, part, we were really excited for the blue rose and at that time our worry was, “Who will give me his/her blue rose?”

But as years went by, I learned that the Blue Roast is not just about the receiving of the rose that is important, but it’s really celebrating with your batchmates. It’s in a way the last school event before graduation and the Baccalaureate Mass where you get to bond with your friends, your blockmates, and everyone else in the batch. Initially I thought of volunteering because since I’m a “social butterfly” I really don’t have any permanent sure go to friends. So it would be a win-win situation I guess, no awkward just going around, no one to really hang with, and at the same time, I get to help out in the success of the event. But I’m really happy that I was able to spend the whole night with the CTM’13 JTAers.

562294_480794108654094_404444045_n — Sarah Buyco took this photo

It was fun hanging with these friends the whole night. All the laughs. All the stories. All the “Macky, you can do it!”, “Macky, it’s the only chance!”. All the really crazy conversations. I will really miss this bunch. I felt like I belonged with them…and maybe it’s not just “I felt like” but I can honestly say that I belong with this group of people. It’s even funny how we were aiming for one award but ended up getting another one. It felt weird to have spent some time up on stage, but we Maia certainly had fun!

536497_10151340652276336_1772789644_n — Stephanie Ycasiano took the photo.

I was also fortunate to have seen a bunch of friends specially the old ones. It was nice catching up with them specially with Kenley and SamBau, and Robina as well. Friends since first year! It kinda sucks that I didn’t realize I brought a camera with me until I arrived home. Would’ve wanted to take pictures with friends. Regret! Some of my profs were also there like my Theo 141 and 151 profs, sir Lib and sir Mendoza, respectively. My Philo 104 prof as well, sir Calano. Wish sir Allan went as well, he could’ve crashed with us…. I think. Haha!

Getting closer to 11 PM, people were already getting blue roses and some of my friends and I were telling each other “this is it!” I accompanied Iris to give hers to a common friend and it was really cute seeing the whole thing happen; from bringing the guy to her, to her running away, and up to the point where he hugged her. Really cute moment. For me… well it wasn’t how I wanted it to be, but I expected it to be exactly like that.

I gave my blue rose to a good friend of mine and it felt awkward for me to give it, I don’t know why though. I guess because I was just speechless the whole time and I just kept on apologizing if it’s awkward and at one point I just left and went back to my friends. They all kept on asking me how it went and I was just speechless and my face was just red, in fact, my friend was able to take a picture of me fresh from the awkward experience.

526688_480797688653736_688106967_n — Sarah Buyco took the photo.

Don’t mind my bad skin. Bad timing of pimples appearing. Anyway, yeah I guess I was happy. Not sure if I was happy because I had the courage to give it or happy it’s finally over. I went back to my friend whom I gave my blue rose to. We talked a bit and we had a picture taken. Although it was an awkward experience, I guess the whole night was perfect. I was able to hang with my friends, good music—Sponge Cola fan forever—and stunning fireworks. Sad wasn’t able to stay long after. We planned a post-Blue Roast party and apparently they stayed in our friends’ condo until 5 in the morning. Yeah, I’m lame. But it’s definitely not the last time I’d be seeing them, I bet I’ll see them during graduation, and we’re planning for an out of town trip before June. Definitely looking forward to that.

I guess the lesson I learned from Blue Roast and the whole blue rose thing: YOLO. I’m not a fan of it really but it gave me the courage to give it. Haha. No regrets coming home without a rose. It’s all good, I had a great time, and I was finally able to confess to my friend about the 3 year long crush-ness. Haha! <insert loser awkward smile here again>

This is Macky

documenting the life and thoughts of Macky